Sexting an old friend was exciting – but now I can’t face sleeping with my husband

Question:- Sexting an old friend was exciting – but now I can’t face sleeping with my husband. The virtual sex life I enjoyed with someone else only made me realise what was missing at home. How can I make my marriage work again? I have been with my husband for 10 years and have never looked in the direction of another man. We had a regular sex life but when an old school friend got back in touch, we began messaging each other, and it quickly turned into sexting. The nudes and explicit, erotic messages I sent were completely out of character for me. We discussed plans to meet up for one night of selfish, illicit fun – free of spouses, children, and responsibilities – but when I asked for clarity on where I stood, he said we shouldn’t message anymore. I was heartbroken. Now I don’t want to have sex with my husband because it is not exciting enough. What can I do to get my marriage back on track?

Answer:- Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable. You're clearly feeling a mix of desire, confusion, guilt, and maybe even grief—for what almost happened, and for what your marriage currently lacks.

Here’s a breakdown of what you might be experiencing and some steps you can take to begin rebuilding:

Where You Are Now

You experienced a surge of passion, spontaneity, and attention that made you feel alive in a way that routine doesn’t.
That connection awakened something in you that was missing in your current relationship—but instead of resolution, it ended abruptly, leaving you emotionally stranded.
Now, the contrast between that thrill and your current reality feels stark, even painful.

❤️ Understanding Your Needs

Before jumping into fixing the marriage, it might help to ask yourself:

What exactly did that fling awaken in me? Was it about sex, or was it feeling desired, seen, playful, free?
Has my relationship always lacked this spark, or did it fade over time?
What kind of intimacy or connection do I want in my marriage?

You weren’t just craving sex—you were craving aliveness, novelty, and maybe being someone different than your usual roles allow.

💬 How to Start Rebuilding

Talk to Your Husband (Gently & Honestly) You don’t need to confess every detail, but it might help to open up about feeling emotionally disconnected or craving more passion. Frame it as a shared challenge, not a blame game.
Explore Together Could you try new things together—erotic books, games, weekends away, fantasies? It's not about replicating what happened with the old friend, but about rediscovering each other in new ways.
Couples Therapy therapist can help create a safe space to explore what’s missing and how to rebuild trust, desire, and communication. It’s not just for “broken” couples—often it’s what healthy couples do to grow.
Reconnect with Yourself sexy, confident version of you that came out during sexting? She’s real. She’s you. Think about how you can bring her into your life in a healthy way—through journaling, self-care, movement, or solo pleasure.

You’re not a bad person—you’re a human being who wants more from life and love. What matters now is how you choose to move forward. If you can channel that spark into your relationship—or even into your own personal growth—it can still lead to something meaningful and real.